Thursday, October 11, 2007

TUESDAY TOP FIVE: SPACESHIPS

(I know it's thursday. I'm flaunting convention.)

5. THE PLANET EXPRESS SHIP

Fry: This is awesome! Are we gonna fly through space fighting monsters and teaching alien women to love?
Professor Farnsworth: If by that you mean transporting cargo, then yes!


Captain: Turanga Leela
This flourescent green beauty comes equipped with an unbreakable diamond tether, upgradeable personalities for the on-board computer, and a laundry room.
Caveat: Never put metal in the microwave while observing a supernova. This can lead to becoming your own grandfather.


4. THE TARDIS

The First Doctor: That is the dematerializing control. And that, over yonder, is the horizontal hold. Up there is the scanner, those are the doors, that is a chair with a panda on it. Sheer poetry, dear boy! Now please stop bothering me.

Captain: The Doctor
A Gallifreyan design, complete with guest bedrooms and a tachyon engine for easy time-travel. With a properly functioning camouflage program, this tesseract vessel can be disguised as anything from a bush to a Roman column.
Caveat: Makes an awful lot of noise when teleporting.

3. COLONIAL VIPER
Dwight Schrute: Do you ever watch Battlestar Galactica?
Guest: No.
Dwight Schrute: 'No.' Then you are an idiot.

Captain: Any trained Colonial Officer who has completed flight school.
The Viper is the last line of defense against total annihilation by the Cylons. Maneuverable, fast, and able to deliver a nuclear payload, these ships are capable in a planet's atmosphere, or in the cold vacuum of deep space.
Caveat: Prone to getting hung in launch tubes.

2. THE MILLENIUM FALCON
Han: Fast ship? You've never heard of the Millenium Falcon?
Ben: Should I have?
Han: It's the ship that made the kessel run in less than twelve parsecs. I've outrun Imperial starships, not the local bulk-cruisers, mind you. I'm talking about the big Corellian ships now. She's fast enough for you, old man.


Captain: Han Solo
A "piece of junk" that has been modified by the variety of smugglers and scoundrels that have owned it through the years, this freighter is not only very likely the fastest ship in the galaxy, but also creates the perfect romantic atmosphere for seducing rebellious princesses.
Caveat: Finnicky hyperdrive.


1. THE ENTERPRISE

Captain Kirk: I've already got a female to worry about. Her name is the Enterprise.


Captain: James T. Kirk
One of Starfleet's most famous and decorated ships. Comes complete with transporters, shuttles, a full sickbay, and an enormous brass satellite dish. Easily the coolest starship to ever orbit a gangster planet.
Caveat: God-like energy beings will want to play with it.


And now, dear reader, tell us about your favorite spaceships...

4 comments:

Dan said...

Have you run out of awesome?

Alex! said...

Maybe.

Between being sick and busy at work, there is not much time for awesomeness.

And it looks like Joe has abandoned the awesome crusade.

Maybe in '08 there will be more awesomeness.

Seth said...

Actually I think the intrepid class federation starship Voyager is way cooler than the original Enterprise. The Enterprise NCC-1701-E, is way cooler than the original too, but Voyager is my favorite.

Patsy said...

Dude, no. The Falcon totally should have been number one.