Thursday, June 28, 2007

SUMMER


Summer Glau, who was very good in SERENITY, but ultimately unrelated to the season of the same name, and also, this article.

Here in the Northern Hemisphere (also known as "the Better Half"), our lives are rolling around into that daily assault of heat and haze we call Summer. Many people hate the heat, and will spend their time going from air-conditioned home to air-conditioned car to air-conditioned office. They will complain about how hot it is and wear flip-flops, bumming everyone out with negativity and exposed toes.

Friends, I welcome the heat. It can suck, yes. Hot days are tiresome and sometimes make you vomit. Yet in the humidity and oppressive warmth, you have an endless excuse to be lazy, and drink cold beer at inappropriate times. It's okay to stink a little, because everyone else is just as sweaty. It's a wonderful mix of letting yourself go, but also losing weight every time you walk three blocks. You get a little color, you throw on a pair of shades, and wear shorts to dinner. Have a beer- it's hot out!

Summer is the season of skimpy clothes, and if you are a male of the species with a functioning wiener, you may now pray to your pagan gods and thank them verily for tank tops, cleavage, short shorts, open backs, sun dresses, bikinis, and all the other hot-weather wardrobe choices of lovely and winsome lasses. Think of the sweaty hair and tan lines, the fashionable sunglasses and the strapless tops, and then thank that horrible ball of atomic destruction around which we orbit. Thank The Sun for allowing us to get a little closer to him in our journey, so that he may heat up our air and encourage girls to go poolside with oily brown bottles of Hawaiian Tropic. Can you smell that weird coconut aroma yet?

Trips to the beach, lazy afternoons in the park, and cooking out on a grill are universally beloved by all humans. Chugging ice-water and going swimming after a long and exhausting bike ride... what's not to like? Sure, there's some heatstroke here and there, and the infrequent blackout because everyone has their AC on full-throttle. But I promise you, despite the miserable weather conditions, if you go to Coney Island on a hot afternoon and have a cup of foamy beer, ride the Cyclone, then go home and fire up the grill, have a bratwurst before you go for a swim, and finish the night off with a bout of sweaty coitus, you too will see why Summer is rated A for Awesome.

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